Americans

Take
the
cake,

Eat
the
treat.

Why
the
thighs?

Hate
the
weight.

Run
a
ton,

Shed
the
dread.

Treat
to
eat?

Take
the
cake.

The Accident

Little doggy at the door,
What's she pawing at it for?
Maybe she wants something tasty
From the local store.
Or does she want a different life -
Does she want something more?
I see now that it's neither cause
She's peeing on the floor.

The Salesman

A man came and asked me
What I'd like to buy.
I said I could go for
Some nice custard pie,

He looked in his pocket,
Then said with a sigh,
"I'm sorry, young sir,
But no custard have I."

The man then proceeded
To break down and cry.
How silly to offer,
When he can't comply.

Simple

A life of leisure,
Hers to keep,
Full of pleasure,
Food, and sleep.

Her head tilts slightly
With a sigh,
Curls up lightly
In your thighs.

And you find pleasure
In your lap -
The greatest measure
Of a cat.

Itch

The feeling bursts like liquid fire,

Sharpened as a coiled wire,

Hate and anger coming forth

Then brief relief - the last resort.

But even these soon fade away

Until the only things that stay

Are all the pain and all the plight

That come from this mosquito bite.

Stale

The bread was fine the other day,
Fluffy like the sun in May,
Delicious-looking as a fresh-baked scone.

But now it seems that either end
Sorely miss their eaten friends -
Who left the loaf and left them all alone -

So much that when I take a piece
And welcome it with gnashing teeth,
I find that it has hardened into stone.

Float

She handed me a red balloon,
With which I floated to the moon
And sat myself upon the crescent smile.

Well, as the heavens welcomed me,
I suddenly found I was free
Of fleeting dreams and unwalked miles.

The stars, they dance before my eyes
But she has yet to realize
That love just doesn't work with only one.

If only she'd float in the air,
With silver breezes in her hair
Then we could sit - together - with the sun.

Reminisce

Memories past, both happy and sad,
Walking through hallways, nostalgia-clad,
A welcome exchange, a cordial embrace,
That fade into outlines of somebody's face -
But back in the present, I sit here alone,
Staring through glasses of sepia tone.

Headache

The earth, it quakes! with raging force.
The land, it shakes! with no remorse.
And mountains sink,
And valleys split,
The skies, they blink,
The trees throw fits.
Disaster, bred with no recourse -
From here, my head acts as the source.

Silly

Flibbety jibbet and gobbledy goo,
I speak in gibberish, what about you?
There are so many fun things we can do
With Roger the Rabbit and Mr. Magoo.
Maybe we'll dance or go to the zoo,
Or build a museum out of hippos and glue,
Or maybe jump over the marzipan moon,
Flibbety jibbet and gobbledy goo.

Snack Time

Let's bake a cake
For goodness sake!
A cake will make
Our worries quake.
We'll quickly eat
Our tasty treat
And let contentment
Overtake.

Animal Problems

I hope that

Darn old cat

Will give back

My black hat.

I wish this

Scrumptious fish

Wouldn't drift

Off my dish.

I'd like his

Little pig

Not to dig

In my wig.

I hope her

Flippin' bird

Won't deter
Me with turds.

Ice Cream

Chocalate, vanilla, and strawberry too. 

Eating it fast until I turn blue,

And though it's quite cold,

I've always been told,

That brain freeze is healthy - who knew?

Two Gentlemen

There was a man,

His name was Blue.

He was a man

Who thought of you.

He came on by,

Knocked on your door.

He ate your soul,

Then asked for more. 

***

There was a man,

His eyes were gray.

When spoken to,

He turned away. 

And when he came

Through opened door,

He ate the scraps

And looked no more. 

The New Year

The splendid winter months are here,

And with them, a blank sheet - 

A perfect white composed entirely

Of snow and ice and sleet. 

And though the days are getting short

And yesteryear has gone,

Just place your pen upon the page

And draw another dawn.